Reflection

For whatever reason, Autumn is a time of deep reflection for me.  I'm not sure if that's true for everyone, but for me, it's a time to sit and think back on the year that's past.  To take stock in what has been great in the year and what has not.  As I'm reflecting on 2010, it's been one of almost constant stress for our family.  It started with Music Man being laid off again at the end of January and has not stopped since.

I'm not a person who likes to dwell on stress.  Generally, I acknowledge that it exists, solve the problems that I can and move on.  But this year has been filled with too many problems I just can't solve.  Can't get my husband a new job, can't sell the condex that's dragging us down, can't make a family member's battle with very rare cancer any easier, can't take away my husband's feelings of helplessness as he works every day to try to find a job, can't take away the problems my son is having with a bully at school, can't solve the money concerns that are coming more pressing as unemployment rolls on, can't remove myself from a physically unhealthy job right now, or the worry of health insurance ending soon....the list goes on and on.  I have spent many, many a sleepless night trying to work up solutions for these things.  So far, can't seem to do it. 

As a spiritual person, I have always believed that God does not give you more then you can handle.  This is the year that I have changed my mind about that.  I am most certainly dealing with a whole lot more then I can handle right now.  It's causing me to throw up my hands in despair a lot more often.  I guess the only choice I do have is the old saying, "Let go, let God"...if only God would pay the rent and make sure my kids have food and clothes, I could surrender to that.  But, it doesn't work like that, does it?

The picture above is one of the reasons I feel I continue each day.  My deep appreciation and reverance for nature, which is my church, is one of the things I turn to when I'm needing to feel closer to God.  I also sing.  Singing has a strange release for me that nothing else has.  As my friend Elsa will tell you, I've sung my whole life. It used to drive her crazy that I sang all the time.  But for whatever reason, it is a form of prayer for me, a release and a connection to something else.  I don't know why, it just is and has always been.  I have not been singing enough since Music Man and I have been sharing an office.  I used to put on music and sing when no one was home.  Now that we're sharing the same space all the time, I don't want to disturb him. So my pipes remain silent except on the rare occasion that I'm in the car alone.  Then it's full volume and singing at the top of my lungs, but it doesn't happen often enough anymore.  And alone time is preciously scarce, and I'm a person who really needs some alone, quiet time to be in my head.  I dearly love my family, but we all need some peaceful meditation time, don't we?

What do you do to rejuvenate when the stresses of life overwhelm you?  Is there somewhere you like to go, something you like to do to regroup and relax? 

Needing more to go right, ~Peacemom