Friday, August 15, 2008

Well, it's decided, he's stuck with me

Hello All,
The third sunny morning in a row here in waterlogged New Hampshire. It's been a completely unbelievably wet summer here. And to think that in early July, I was worried about the drought, which was about 4 weeks long. Both weather extremes give me an appreciation for farming as a vocation. My little garden has tomatoes that are literally bursting from too much water, zucchini that has succumbed to the afor mentioned powdery mildew (the devil's sneeze as I like to think of it!), and peas that were overtaken by some brown slime. WAY TOO MUCH WATER falling from the skies.

Today is Little Red's 4th birthday. Four years ago, right now, I had been in labor for about 28 hours with no progress and had to face the fact that he was going to join our world through a cut in my body, as did his brother. By God, it was not for lack of effort on my part, I'll tell you that. I so wanted him to come naturally and when the doctors told me that they were not willing to wait any longer, I was devastated. I endured the pain for a 40 hour labor with Maestro and a 28 hour labor with Little Red and neither one was able to enter the old fashioned way. But after lots of tears, lots of praying and drugs that caused me not to remember his entering the world at all, here he is. He's such an amazing little goofball. He has the best sense of humor and gives me an honest belly laugh every day. He's smart, fun and a little go getter. A better hiking partner, you'll not find anywhere. The pain of a c-section gone somewhat ary, recovery that included things in my body that should not have been cut to get his stuck little head out of my pelvis, all that is gone in the moments now that he is here and wonderful. I can look at both of my boys and feel the deepest love that I've never had for any one else in my whole life. Even Music Man, and it goes without saying for those who know us how much genuine affection and love we have for each other. But those boys, well, how can you explain it? I've heard it said it's like wearing your heart outside your body. I think that perhaps that's true, but I also feel the complete sense of responsiblity to them to be a better person, to love them completely and unconditionally and hope that the decisions we make for them are the right ones.

This all leads up to the difficult decision that Music Man and I have made. Little Red will be waiting one more year to attend preschool. With the trouble he's having with potty training issues, he's reverted terribly in the last couple of weeks as school talk is more prevalent in the household. He's also reverted in his maturity, going back to whining constantly and his temper has taken a turn for the worse. We feel he's just not quite ready. Though I was dearly looking forward to a couple of hours a week to myself, something I've not had since they stopped napping 2 1/2 years ago, he's just not there yet. So, he will get to spend the afternoons with Mommy and we'll find him things like storytime at the library where he can go once a week without me for 45 minutes and get used to life on his own. We're also going to look into daycare one afternoon a week to see if he can get used to the idea.

This was a difficult decision for us, we hope we are doing the right thing. After talking to the before mentioned friend with the wonderful son, we made the decision last night. She's a 3rd & 4th grade teacher and I deeply value her input on what's what with education. I asked her if she's ever seen any negative aspects of a child basically being held back a year and her resounding answer was no, never. She sees no reason to rush him. If we were to send him to preschool this year with the intention of him starting kindergarten next fall, we don't feel he's emotionally ready for that. And there's the added fact that we can only afford one year of preschool ($1,800 for 9 months!), and it needs to be the one that is the year before he starts kindergarten. Little Red will only have been 5 for two weeks if he were to start kindergarten next fall. Maestro, who is academically far ahead of Little Red, will be 5 for only 3 months when he turns 6 in Nov. We realize this is the first big decision that will affect their school lives that we've had to make. We only hope we're making the right one. How can you know? We have to go with what our little internal voices are telling us and for Music Man and myself, we feel he's not there yet. So, he's stuck with just Mommy for one more year. I'm going to treasure the alone time I have with him to build a stronger bond and help him on his way to independence a little more slowly. Every child is an individual after all and we're so lucky to have the opportunity to make these choices for him at all.

Celebrating today the birth of my son...~Peacemom

1 comment:

aseaman said...

I believe you and Musicman have made the right decision for your birthday boy, Little Red. He may well glean what he needs from Maestro's new school experiences in order to begin the adventure himself when he is ready.